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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26969365">The Good Side</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/softslumbers/pseuds/softslumbers'>softslumbers</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Drug Use, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Highschool AU, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Nishinoya Yuu &amp; Tanaka Ryuunosuke are Bros, Other, Pining, Tanaka Ryuunosuke is a Good Friend, Tsukishima Kei &amp; Yamaguchi Tadashi Friendship, Tsukishima Kei Being an Asshole, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Yamaguchi is soft, kiyoko is the bestie, stoner au, tsukishima hates school, tsukishima is a druggie, tsukkiyama - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 20:40:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>19,023</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26969365</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/softslumbers/pseuds/softslumbers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“What is this?” Tsukishima mutters, mostly to himself because he couldn’t find the answers in his thoughts.<br/>“Why does it have to be anything?” Yamaguchi says, his voice seemed almost frustrated. Tsukishima wanted to ask Yamaguchi why he felt so nervous right now, but he knew only he could answer that for himself. “Let’s just… be.”<br/>---</p><p>Highschool AU where Tsukishima promises himself that he will cherish his last few months of high school as much as he can, not wanting to initiate any sort of change. This all falls apart when he starts to question who he really was and why Yamaguchi's hair looked so soft.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Shimizu Kiyoko/Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>165</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Good Side</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I can't believe that I finished this entire story, it took me a while but I finally did it. The idea has been in my head for around a year and at some point it just all started flowing out!</p><p>There has also been a playlist made for it! by francesfroland on spotify, it’s called Playlist: The Good Side. Incase you want to cry just a little bit harder</p><p>I really hope you enjoy reading this and watching Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, Kiyoko and Tanaka all grow together and individually as much as I enjoyed writing it. </p><p>I hope you enjoy! And if you do, I would LOVE to hear your input in the comments :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first time that Yamaguchi fell in love, it was messily packed full of raw emotion. It was honestly overwhelmingly full, probably more than usual due to not only with the obvious attraction but also the challenges of being a confused hormonal gay teenage boy in total. You could stop it just at being gay period, but for people like Tsukishima Kei, who was such an intensely beautiful young man, this seemed to be a little but more difficult to approach than for anyone else. He hid his emotions deep down inside his soul for no one to see, he kept himself hidden away hoping that no one would notice him. He hated people, conversation, himself. Mostly he hated school, but yet there were things that Tsukishima dreaded more than going back to school for the new school year on Wednesday at Karasuno. The list wasn’t very long, but there was a few things. Thinking of his future, for example. Tsukishima didn’t like that. He didn’t like talking about his mother, either. Any conversation that involved his family at all was a conversation Tsukishima dreaded.</p><p>And he <em>really</em> didn’t like his mind schedule or day being busy. He wasn’t an insanely social person, he didn’t mind spending time with his brother and friends, he loved them to death. It was more he felt a comfort in being unproductive and lazy just laying in his bed all day, which he knew he would have wound up doing if Tanaka and Kiyoko hadn’t asked him to go school clothes shopping at the mall with them that evening. </p><p>He’s known Kiyoko since he was two, and he’s known Tanaka since only his sophomore year, but he only stuck around because he was dating Kiyoko. Tanaka clicked in a way that’s hard to explain, and only a way he would have been able to do, and it doesn’t feel like he’d only been hanging out with them for six months. He was slightly annoying and Tsukishima didn’t seem pulled to talk to him outside of Kiyoko at all, but he could tell she adored him and knowing this he was able to manage. They do all the things any group of friends would- hangout sometimes, do illegal shit and talk about the drama between friend groups that probably don’t know they exist. Except Kiyoko, that is. <em>Everyone</em> knows Kiyoko. </p><p>She’s fascinating. She’s the kind of girl everyone knows, not just because she’s absolutely stunning- but because she’s different. She’s manager of the volleyball team, where she met Tanaka. She’s on the soccer team, school treasurer- but then she’s in things like the schools math and robotics club. She’s quite literally famous on instagram, in a Kylie Jenner i’m famous because i’m gorgeous kind of way. She was the epitome of every girls dream life. But still, Kiyoko doesn’t even seem to mind it. It didn’t change who she is in the slightest. </p><p>But, despite her being perfect, none of the boys at school went for her except for Tanaka. Tsukishima isn’t sure if it’s because they know she’s way out of their league, if it’s because it’s been made known that she’s not having sex or anything until she’s married, maybe it’s her family being very high classed- but despite all of her arguments against Tsukishima’s hypothesis, he has confirmed it’s because he’s dragged Kiyoko down to his loser level. </p><p>“You have such amazing potential, you know” He would say, and then Kiyoko would say something like: ‘I don’t have to be popular, I have you!’ But really she wouldn’t mind. Kiyoko is not only loved but she loves everyone back just as much. If she was popular- Tsukishima is sure she’d fit in perfectly. She’d probably have an amazing group of friends to gossip with and all go to the same dream college and major in psychology or whatever girls who peeked in highschool want to major in. But unfortunately, she moved next door to Tsukishima in preschool and they’ve been inseparable ever since. He almost feels guilty, like he’s taken away a piece of her life. </p><p>Tsukishima flicked his eyes over to his door as it swung open, his thoughts being quickly broken apart as his brother walked in while rolling his left shoulder. He was wearing basketball shorts and a tank top, a small towel over his right shoulder, covering the place it connected to his arm. He looked tired. He always did, so this was no surprise to Tsukishima. It really was making him look a lot more older then his twenty five years. </p><p>“Damn it Kei, stop jerking off to models on your computer! I can’t stand it anymore!” Akiteru throws a sarcastic hand over his eyes and leans against the doorframe, a grin on his face as he waited for Kei to respond. Akiteru likes to make fun of Kei for not being ‘sexually interested’, constantly finding different ways to tease him about finding porn on his computer or a girl hiding in his closet. Clearly, he’d never catch Kei dead doing any of those things. Akiteru knows this. 

</p><p>Tsukishima had a small suspicion that he was asexual, but he doesn’t think he would’ve put much thought into it if people hadn’t constantly asked why he wasn’t interested in Kiyoko. He didn’t exactly have an answer, and because of this he was deemed not only by everyone at school but even others schools to, as someone who just doesn’t like people. He didn’t really mind this, so being asexual didn’t seem so bad, but he didn’t feel a romantic pull either. He knew Akiteru had heard about all of this, but it wasn’t really a Tsukishima household conversation topic that they had on the daily. Or ever, at that.</p><p>Tsukishima turned, expressionless. “Sorry, I really can’t help myself.”</p><p>Akiteru removed his hand from his eyes. “Are you coming today?” He means the gym, which Tsukishima never comes to. </p><p>“I’m going school shopping.”</p><p>Kei watched his brother raised his eyebrow. “What for?”</p><p>“Clothes.” Kei mumbled, closing the small book he’d been doodling in and throwing it somewhere across his room. Akiteru’s eyes followed the book, stopping at the ground where it had landed for one second too long before glancing to his closet, which made Kei’s muscles tighten. He knew he and Akiteru had totally different taste, but he didn’t like when he brought it up. Another thing Kei didn’t like. Maybe he should make a list, just for fun. </p><p>“What are you gonna buy? Another black shirt?” Akiteru mumbled, mostly to himself. </p><p>Kei mimics what his brother had said under his breath with a high pitched voice, reaching for his phone. “I don’t know, Maybe. Why do you care?” </p><p>“Well the mall is cool. Maybe you could meet some new friends. Another guy or something. I feel like you don’t ever hangout with guys.” Kei didn’t say anything. “Not that that’s a bad thing. That’s fine, it just must kinda suck sometimes. I don’t know, I’d think it sucked.” <em>Well, good thing i’m not you then.</em></p><p> “That’s not why we’re going.”</p><p>“Who’s we?”</p><p>“Kiyoko and Tanaka.”</p><p>Akiteru wiggled his eyebrows. “She’s a pretty one, you know.” Kei looked up at his brother in disgust, his mouth hanging open. What?</p><p>“What?” Kei words his thoughts flatly, and Akiteru seems surprised at the sudden full attention He shuffles his feet. </p><p>“You like her, right?”</p><p>Kei had to push himself back to not huff a laugh. “You think I like Kiyoko? Did you not hear me say her and Tanaka? Her boyfriend?”</p><p>“Jeez sorry. I didn’t know her and him were that serious.” Akiteru says with dissatisfaction. Kei’s eyes widen even more. “I don’t know, you’ve known her forever.”</p><p>Kei grabbed his wallet and pushed it in his pocket, the corners where his wallet always sat worn down to a light grey and white. He really needs new pants. “You’re gross.” He argued, shooting Akiteru a look. Akiteru shot one back. “Her and Tanaka are probably in love or something.” He feels a pull at his chest, which surprises himself.</p><p>“My bad mr. don’t ever talk about romance to me or i’ll scream and mope around all day like an emo kid.” He said mockingly, interrupted halfway through his last word as a loud continuous honk was heard ringing from outside. He heard a few crows respond as the honk turned into a rapid pattern, most likely whatever was playing on Kiyoko’s radio. Tsukishima chuckled and Kei furrowed his eyebrows.</p><p>“Okay, i’m leaving now. Thanks for the interrogation.” Kei said sarcastically, hearing some remark about finding a girlfriend at the mall before Tsukishima can shut the front door behind him. He stumbled over his long legs as he made his way to Kiyoko’s car, watching her make faces as him as he slowly approaches.

</p><p>He opened the door, feeling the air conditioning make his pores shrink. </p><p>“Hey.” </p><p>Kiyoko pushed a stack of CD’s and a phone charger off the seat and onto the floor so Tsukishima could actually sit down and shot him a lopsided grin. </p><p>“Sorry i’m late.”</p><p>“You aren’t sorry.” This made Kiyoko laugh. </p><p>“Of course i’m not. But it’s my duty to apologize, as your friend. Social obligations and what-not.”</p><p>You could set Kiyoko’s clock back twenty minutes and it wouldn’t matter, She would just be forty minutes late. She had a sixth sense. </p><p>Her bracelet pressed against Tsukishima’s back as she hugged him, and her hair smelled like applesauce and spice candles. He breathed it in, and his mind began to feather. She was dressed in a black cropped tank and dark blue corduroy mom jeans. Her shoes were white, but her socks a quirky purple that didn’t match her outfit at all, but so was the ribbon that tied back half of her above-shoulder length hair. So maybe it did a little. She’s definitely one of the best dressed people he knows. </p><p>“Did you call Tanaka to tell him you’re late?”</p><p>Kiyoko pulls her eyebrows together, itching behind her ear. “Did I call you to tell you i’m running late?”</p><p>“No, but Tanaka is higher maintenance than me.” Tsukishima stated confidently, and Kiyoko snorted. </p><p>“Tsukishima, no ones higher maintenance than you.” Tsukishima wanted to respond with <em>you are</em>, because everyone knew she was, but he decided to keep quiet and allow the conversation to change. he watched as they pulled up to Tanaka’s sidewalk, Kiyoko hitting on the breaks a little too dramatically and Tsukishima pushed his arm against the dash to hold him back. </p><p>Kiyoko honked her horn long and dramatically just the way she had at Tsukishima’s before pulling out her phone and pointing the camera at herself. Tsukishima opened his door and moved to the back. “I look so cute today, I don’t know how I do it.”</p><p>“You look the same as any other day.” Tsukishima responded blandly, and Kiyoko continued to look at herself, not quite sure how to respond to that. She began taking a video with some raccoon filter, pointing it at Tsukishima who smiled too largely to be real. The smile initiated the filter to drop some sort of sleep mask over his eyes. “Why does the raccoon have a sleep mask? That doesn’t even make sense.” Kiyoko rolled her eyes, stopping the video. </p><p>“You’re so lame.”</p><p>Tanaka began clumping out of her house only moments later. Or ambling- whatever word you’d use to describe a 18 year old who looked like they’re running on two hours of sleep. He was wearing his signature white converse, blue jeans, and baggy white tshirt that showed a little too much of his neck for Tsukishima’s comfort. Around his neck was the same necklace that’s there every day, Tsukishima remembers him saying his mom got it for him. Tanaka was always wearing it. He had some sort of novel tightly held in his had from a romance series he always talks about, which he vaguely remembers it being really cheesy, something else he was incomplete without. Tanaka spread a huge grin as he slugged down the stairs. </p><p>He opened the shotgun door dramatically, standing for a moment. Tsukishima wonders if he’s reacting to the cold just like he was.</p><p>“What’s up bitches!” He yelled, tossing his bag at the ground. Tsukishima watches it slam against the floor of the car, mentally noting that clearly he hadn’t brought his computer today, or he’d be treating that backpack like it was a newborn baby. “You know, you don’t have to honk for <em>thirty seconds</em> outside of my house baby. I’m pretty sure you woke up the whole neighborhood.”</p><p>“Tanaka, it’s three pm. You’re the only person who just woke up.” Kiyoko tossed her water bottle at Tanaka, who reached it back in his hand to knock it against the side of Kei’s head. </p><p>“Hey, guess who followed me on instagram this morning you shithead.” Tanaka asked, and Tsukishima furrowed his eyebrows. </p><p>“Are you talking to me?”</p><p>“Yes, idiot, i’m talking to you. Guess.” Tsukishima’s expression didn’t change. </p><p>“Why should I care?”</p><p>“Cause you just will! Would you guess already? I don’t have time for the commentary you love to add to simple conversations.”</p><p>“Daniel Henney?” Tsukishima guessed, and Tanaka was quiet for a moment. Kiyoko laughed into the palm of her hand as she scrolled through her Instagram, Tanaka making a disappointed look. </p><p>“God, Tsukishima. No. It wasn’t Daniel fucking Henney. You’re so weird.”</p><p>“What’s up with you and Daniel Henney anyways?” Kiyoko questioned, allowing herself in the conversation. Tsukishima didn’t really know how to explain his obsession with Daniel Henney without mentioning his infatuation that he had no clear explanation for with him since age eleven. He definitely hasn’t had a poster of him hidden under his bed since he was a kid, definitely not.</p><p>“What, you mean other than the fact he’s like the hottest man alive?” Tanaka muttered, seeming shocked Kiyoko would even question Tsukishima’s motives. </p><p>“Hottest man alive is a bit of a stretch.” Kiyoko argued. “But it’s different for Tsukishima anyways, obviously.” Kiyoko said matter of factly. Tsukishima stayed quiet. </p><p>”I just said he was hot! It’s different for me too, but you can’t not appreciate his hotness. Right, Tsukishima?”</p><p>There was a silence for only a second, not long enough for either of the two to notice, but it made his toes curl. “He’s a good actor?” Tsukishima said, seeming like he was answering to himself more than to Tanaka and Kiyoko. “I don’t know, i’ve just always liked him. I never really thought about it before.” Kiyoko nodded, saying something about that being a fair response. Tanaka seemed to be deep into thought. </p><p>“He was also in Big Hero 6, which is Tsukishima’s favorite movie. Fake fan.” Tanaka finished after his short space-out moment, slumping back into the seat and buckling himself. “Can we get coffee?”</p><p>“Alright, let's head off then.” Kiyoko agreed, pulling out of Tanaka’s driveway. “Our last school shopping together, thank Jesus.”</p><p>Tanaka hollered a hallelujah into the sweaty air outside his window as he rolled it down, and Tsukishima felt a burst in his gut at the thought of Kiyoko and Tanaka leaving him— something he knew wouldn’t be leaving for the rest of the day, maybe even week. </p><p>Kiyoko peeked over, noting Tsukishima’s sudden silence. Before she could say anything, Tanaka gasped. “Fuck! I forgot, Okay, Tsukishima! Guess who followed me.”</p><p>“I don’t know. Who?”</p><p>“Drumroll please.” He said dramatically. After no response from either Tsukishima or Kiyoko, he continued anyways. “Yamaguchi Tadashi.” Tsukishima’s expression stayed blankly confused. </p><p>“And why is that so fascinating? I don’t even know who that is.” Tsukishima continued, and Kiyoko laughed louder then she had that whole morning. </p><p>“You don’t know who Yamaguchi is? Tsukishima you talk to him every day!” She accused. Tsukishima shrugged, seeming no issue with this. If it wasn’t Tanaka or Kiyoko, he never really paid much attention. </p><p>“That’s so sad, he thinks you guys are friends. He tries to be your partner in everything... He’s kind of obsessed with you.” Tanaka continues to go on, but Tsukishima blocks out his voice as he spaces out on the Bernie Sanders bobble head on Kiyoko’s dashboard that was swaying with the small hops of the car. Why would this guy want to he friends with Tsukishima of all people? Kei couldn’t even really bear himself. </p><p>“That’s weird.” Was all Tsukishima could manage to say. </p><p>“I get the same thing every time, what do you mean that’s weird?” Kiyoko asked, and Tsukishima looked out of his window quickly before looking at the two heads turned to stare at him. They were in line for coffee already. How long was he spacing out for? </p><p>“Oh shit, sorry. I was talking about that guy.” He turned to Kiyoko. “I’ll have my usual.” He watched the back of her head nod as she turns. </p><p>“I’ll have a very unique and totally not basic iced black coffee. No sweetener.”</p><p>“Bitter.” Tanaka mumbled, and Tsukishima grinned at the back of his seat. </p><p>“Like my soul, right?” </p><p>Tanaka grinned, but didn’t look away from his phone. “Just like your soul.”</p><p>•</p><p> </p><p>Kiyoko had forgotten gym clothes again, therefor Tsukishima was currently wearing her clothes and hiding in a bathroom so no one would EVER see him dressed like this. He made sure to go to the “shitting” bathroom that the guys at his school go to specifically to shit, since it had a smaller crowd. Lucky for Kiyoko, Tsukishima wound up fitting perfectly in her jeans and crop top as long as you ignore the extra long amount of calf that hung out awkwardly at the bottom, but you couldn’t see it just looking in the mirror. He would never admit it to anyone but he actually felt pretty confident. He turned himself around slowly in the reflection of the bathroom mirror and raised his eyebrows at himself, staring at the gaping space where Kiyoko’s ass would be filling out the jeans and patting it with his hands before straightening his back once again to look at his front. He didn’t have abs like Tanaka did, but his stomach still was pretty toned and he can’t help but admit guys look good in crop tops. He wonders what Tanaka would look like in this. </p><p>What? </p><p>Tsukishima’s body freezes and he makes a disgusted face at his reflection. Tanaka? Where did that thought even come from because it MUST have been buried deep. Time to bury it again even deeper. He slowly turns away from himself and sits against the sink, pushing his face into his hands and his glasses uncomfortably pressing their way in between his eyebrows. Annoying Tanaka? He felt his face heat up as he thought about it. No. Push it down. </p><p>Tsukishima has always known that he didn’t like women but had decided that was because he was asexual, which he had no problem with as he had said earlier. He never was interested in Kiyoko, and girls and boys dating was all he ever knew. Akiteru would bring girls home and the thought of it wasn’t appealing Kei. It wasn’t something he ever wanted to experience or had any sort of incline to test out, so he left it at that. But when Akiteru started to bring his volleyball friends over for pizza nights, that’s when it started to get confusing. Because suddenly he couldn’t wait for Friday even if he wasn’t allowed to eat with them, and suddenly he found himself silently going downstairs to grab a box of crackers just so he could sneak a look at whatever they were doing, hoping they would say something. Normally they wouldn’t, but sometimes they would, and it only took a few words or a nickname for his stomach to start to burst into flames and flop around like a fish out of water. Tsukishima knows why, but he wishes he didn’t. Because accepting that is accepting that everything in his life was bound to change. His friends would look at him differently, His brother, everyone at school. Push it down. You’ve avoided it for this long, all you have to do is wait until college, then you can do whatever the fuck you want. </p><p>“Are you okay?”</p><p>Tsukishima turns quickly, his eyes wide as they make contact with a small green haired boy who he has definitely seen before but couldn’t quite put a name on. His hair was pulled into a loose ponytail with a small black elastic and had on all black clothing, a big sweater and torn jeans. He hadn’t realized how quickly he was breathing until he realized the room had became silent, and then his breathing was the only thing that rang through it. He looked down at his outfit self consciously before back at the boy. </p><p>“What the fuck?”</p><p>“Why are you wearing those clothes?” Tsukishima feels his face flare up. </p><p>“Nothing! I’m doing a friend a favor, I would never wear this shit.” He pulls down awkwardly at the cropped hem of his shirt and the boys eyebrows raise but he doesn’t seem startled by Tsukishima’s sudden anger. </p><p>“That’s too bad, you don’t look half bad in it.” The boy says confidently. “Plus you seemed to like it before you started having some sort of panic attack.”</p><p>“I wasn’t- What the fuck is wrong with you? How long have you been standing there?”</p><p>“I waved when you were kind of half looking this way but you didn’t do anything. You were very deep in thought and I didn’t want to interrupt that!” Tsukishima brings a hand up to his face, pushing his glasses closer to his nose before looking at the clock. There was only ten minutes until Kiyoko should be here. “Why are you hiding in here anyways? Don’t you have math?”</p><p>Tsukishima raises his eyebrows, not even wanting to ask why this kid knows his schedule or who he was. He was set in his mind that he did NOT like him. “What does it matter to you?” The boy laughed out loud, and he could feel it as the look he was sporting started to fade into something else that he couldn’t name. He found his eyes flickering to the creases in his face when he laughed and the freckles that scattered around them, but the actual sound of his laugh seemed to not make it to Tsukishima’s ears, suddenly all he could hear was a very faint ringing. </p><p>“You’re so discourteous. It’s funny really.” The ringing was gone. </p><p>“I don’t know what that means.”</p><p>“I know you don’t, i’ve said it before and you said that before.” Tsukishima doesn’t remember, and doesn’t care. He brushed his hair with his hand and realized how hot his face had became since the boy entered the bathroom. He didn’t like this feeling at all. </p><p>“Okay, whatever. Don’t even think about shitting while i’m in here because that’s weird.” The boys smile faded into pure horror and Tsukishima was the one to laugh to himself this time. The boy didn’t seem to react like how Tsukishima did to his laugh, which he definitely wasn’t looking for, and Tsukishima excuses himself by accepting that he must have reacted that way because it’s so damn hot in here. </p><p>“I’m not gonna- I just come here sometimes!” He mumbled out frantically. </p><p>“You come here sometimes? To the shitting bathroom?” Tsukishima challenges. </p><p>“Yes, I do. Not that it’s your business.”</p><p>“Why on earth would you do that?”</p><p>The boy huffed. “What’s it to you?” He mocked what Tsukishima had said earlier, and Tsukishima must admit it was well played. He chuckled, leaning against the bathroom wall. </p><p>“Touché, freckles.” The boys face instantly turns beet red and Tsukishima feels something flare up between them. There was a tension that was present but he did everything he could do avoid it, stepping from one foot to the other and biting his bottom lip. He can’t bear to look at the guys face anymore and let’s his eyes flicker down to his fingers as they pulled at the edges of his sweater. Even his fingers have freckles. He wonders how much of this boy was actually freckled, and finds himself becoming quite red as he lets that thought take over his mind for a minute. He starts to wonder how much time has really passed and as if on cue, the door swings open dramatically and the tension that had been building between the two of them floats up with the sound of the door hitting the wall. Kiyoko pulled her hair out of a ponytail. </p><p>“Okay, thank you- Oh... Hi Yamaguchi.” She says awkwardly, looking between the two of them. Tsukishima’s mind goes back to the conversation that he had with Tanaka and Kiyoko this morning about Yamaguchi, letting everything start to pull itself together. Yamaguchi mumbles a shy hello and Tsukishima honestly expects him to just leave at this point but his feet seem to be planted still with no intention of moving. Tsukishima rolls his eyes, finding everything he does irritating for no particular reason. </p><p>“Thank god you’re here, freckles has been irritating the shit out of me.” Yamaguchi doesn’t say anything to this and instead turns his attention to Kiyoko who had mumbled something about being nice harshly at Tsukishima. </p><p>“You skipped?” Kiyoko asks. Tsukishima closes the bathroom stall door, thinking at first she was pointing the question at him. Before he can answer with an ‘obviously, i’m in your clothes’ though, Yamaguchi starts to talk. </p><p>“Yeah sorry, I know it’s hard on our team when I don’t show up but I wasn’t doing too good today.” Tsukishima pulls the pants off and throws them over, listening for Kiyoko to close herself in a stall but never hears it. He hears the fabric of his shorts leaving her skin, and his eyes widen. Is she changing right in front of this kid?</p><p>“That’s fine dude, we did alright. It was soccer so I was carrying their asses anyways.” He heard her reapond, and Yamaguchi didn’t say anything, and Tsukishima scoffs to himself. When he was talking to him the boy seemed to be all talk. Tsukishima decides seeing a pretty girl change must have him all flustered. </p><p>Tsukishima barely catches his shorts as she tosses them over the stall door and changes back into his clothes quickly, walking back out with his hands in his pockets. Kiyoko was fixing her hair in the mirror and Yamaguchi seemed to be typing quickly at his phone, but when he notices Tsukishima’s feet exiting the stall he puts his phone back in his pocket and smiles brightly. </p><p>“Hey, Tsukki.” Kiyoko laughs quietly to herself at this, turning to face them. </p><p>“Don’t call me that.” Tsukishima mumbles, shoving his hands in his pockets.</p><p>“I think it suits you,” Kiyoko retorts, standing on her toes to ruffle Kei’s hair. “Keep calling him Tsukki, Yama.” The name Tsukki seemed much too friendly, like Yamaguchi had known him his whole life and it was a childhood nickname. He didn’t like it, or maybe he liked it a little too much. Yamaguchi chuckles and sends a thumbs up her way as the two of them leave him alone in the bathroom. Kiyoko nudges him once they’ve exited the sound range of the bathroom. </p><p>“What, did he ask to suck you off or something?” Tsukishima feels his neck pop from the speed that he turns to look at her, feeling his face start to go red. </p><p>“Jesus Kiyoko, no! What’s wrong with you?”</p><p>“I walked in there and you were just staring at each other all silent and goo goo ga ga. You can’t even admit you weren’t, it was so tense,” She laughed loudly. “I really thought he had confessed to you or something and it was all weird because you had to tell him you were straight. That poor kid, i’m sure he’s been rejected so much. I don’t think I know one gay person at this school.”</p><p>There’s something that bubbles in the pit of Tsukishima’s stomach, but he doesn’t let it grow. That’s dangerous territory. Everything about this conversation was dangerous territory, and yet he was keeping it going. “Is he gay?”</p><p>She nodded, checking her phone when it vibrated before shoving it back in her pocket just as fast. “He got caught making out with some guy from another school by his parents last year and they kicked him out for like a month. Now they’re cool with it I think, but he wound up staying with one of Tanaka’s friends Hinata, so that’s how I found out. I’m not sure how everyone else did.” Tsukishima doesn’t know who Hinata is, but he doesn’t care enough to ask. There was a long break of silence between the two of them and he watched Kiyoko turn and watch him from the corner of her eye. She seemed like she had something to say, but before it could escape her lips there was a loud shout from Tanaka that rumbled through the hallway. Both of their heads turned to face a quickly approaching Tanaka approaching and Noya following closely behind. Tsukishima groaned, putting his headphones over his ears and walking past them as Tanaka asked Kiyoko something with excitement. Tsukishima walked a few steps ahead of them, watching the laces of his shoes lightly drag along the floor and trying to not listen to Tanaka’s story, feeling guilt begin to build just at the sound of the boys vouce and a tense pressure building in the back of his head just as fast. </p><p>•</p><p>Tsukishima dreaded the athletics lockdown every year, and yet every year Kiyoko found some way to influence him to go. This year it was because she said she’d bring edibles, and right now Tsukishima is definitely glad he is geeked out of his mind. He’s not even sure if it was worth it, he doesn’t think he would be able to watch Tanaka do a fully choreographed dance for everyone without feeling some sort of something, whatever something was, but he was able to push this down and ignore it a little with the drugs that were seeping through him. His eyes felt heavy and stung every time he blinked, and he turned to Kiyoko who just laughed a little too hard at his dance. Tsukishima smiles, wondering when the last time someone other than himself was able to make her laugh like that. </p><p>His eyes wander around the room and find their way back to Yamaguchi again, they had been doing that quite a lot tonight. He was sitting crisscrossed on the floor, avoiding the performance and having his own conversation with a bubbling ginger boy and some blonde haired kid who seemed completely uninterested. Yamaguchi made eye contact with him a couple of times but quickly pulled his gaze away shyly, but Tsukki was way too high to even care that he’d been caught staring. He waited until Yamaguchi looked back to him the third time, making a strange face that almost looked like he had stepped in dog shit and the ginger boy talking to him had turned around to look as well only a few moments after with a questioning look. Tsukishima knew he probably looked like a total idiot but still couldn’t find the mental strength to remember how to react in these situations and just smiled widely. He watched the ginger boy turn back to a now completely red Yamaguchi, who had turned his attention at his lap. Tsukishima laughed while lazily falling backwords on his blankets he brought from home. The group after a while had started wandering their way off to play some game. Kiyoko had wandered off with some girls and surprisingly it was Tanaka who joined Tsukishima on the floor, a giggling mess himself.  </p><p>“Hey dude.” Tsukishima smiled lazily at the ceiling in response. </p><p>“Nice dance.” Tanakas eyes slid closed as he laughed breathily. </p><p>“Thanks, I try.”</p><p>There was a pretty long comfortable silence as Tanaka took his second gummy of the night between his lips, and Tsukishima turns just in time to watch Tanaka’s adam’s apple bob as it slides easily down his throat. He turned back to the ceiling a little too quickly. </p><p>“I heard you met Yamaguchi finally. I mean met after realizing he existed, not actually first time you met him. You’ve actually known him for years, but you’re an ass.” Tanaka laughed. Years? Had it really been that long? “How was it?”</p><p>Tsukishima doesn’t know why he doesn’t have the words to explain it. He feels strange when talking about Yamaguchi but he can’t seem to understand why. “Why do you care?” Tanaka snorts. </p><p>“I’m just curious is all. He’s neat.”</p><p>“How so?”</p><p>“I like him, he’s different and that makes him cool.”</p><p>“What, being gay is cool?” The once comfortable silence was now thick and awkward and Tsukishima wishes he had bit his tongue. Tanaka laughs but it’s forced. </p><p>“I didn’t mean it that way at all, just that I think he’s a cool guy, really. He’s an artist,” Tanaka fiddles with his beanie. “But I mean gay people are great too, I love gay people.” That part was definitely unnecessary to say, but Tsukishima has a gut feeling that he knows why he said it.</p><p>“That sounds like a generalization.”</p><p>“I-“</p><p>“Maybe you wouldn’t love all gay people if you met them.” Tsukishima really needed to stop talking and start THINKING. </p><p>“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Tanaka turns his head to look at Tsukishima for a while and Tsukishima can tell he has something to say but doesn’t know if he should say it. He watched Tanaka decide to go against his, what Tsukishima was guessing, better judgment and continued. “I’ve never seen you stare at someone before, not even when you’re high.” Tanaka mumbled, turning his head away. He knows that he did this so Tsukishima didn’t feel interrogated, and Tsukishima bites the inside of his cheek until he can taste the raw skin. “You can barely make eye contact with people. You were staring at Yamaguchi, though. You started at him for like, half an hour. I’ve never seen you do that.” Tsukishima could feel his sober brain turning quickly, but his drugged brain was still in charge. </p><p>“Yeah, I did.” Tanaka slowly turned her head to look at Tsukishima, searching for any sort of joke that he may make or snarky comment. It took a little too long for him to finally break and do something, and when he did it was laughing. It started out small in hopes he could push it back, but quickly turned hysterical and Tsukishima even started to laugh too. What is he doing? He doesn’t want this. Not now.</p><p>“No fucking way.” Tsukishima’s laugh went quiet, huffing to a small smile. “Kei! That’s not fair, what if I don’t remember this! Fuck you. You couldn’t bother yelling me when i’m sober, you’re such an ass-wipe.” His smile was completely gone now. He doesn’t want this. </p><p>“Tell you what?” Not now. </p><p>“That you like guys.” </p><p>There it was. Tsunami tides crashed against Tsukishima's chest and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. He was really angry at himself right now, yet he couldn’t be at the same time. Ten minutes ago he had never been so glad he was high, and now all he wants is to be sober. He kind of wanted to cry. Tanaka continues when Tsukishima doesn’t respond. “I kind of had a feeling, though I mean-“</p><p>“I don’t like guys.” </p><p>Tanaka doesn’t say anything for a really long time, and Kei bites his nails to stubs while he waits. Tsukishima knows he probably didn’t sound genuine, but also that Tanaka was definitely too high to notice something like that. He could practically hear him trying to decide what to say in his mind.</p><p>“Tsukishima it’s okay if-“</p><p>“Shut up, Tanaka. I never fucking said that I liked guys.” He heard his own voice crack, it was pretty hard to miss. He felt his body start to take over his mind as his vision blurred and his hands curled around his own stomach. He could feel himself being watched, feel the judging. He had more to say, more that would make his lie more believable to Tanaka but when he opened his mouth he knew that if he talked his voice would give him away even in Tanaka’s intoxicated state so he shut it closed and slowly felt his throat begin to close. He felt his face pull into something ugly as he forced back tears. </p><p>“I’m sorry.” </p><p>He doesn’t know if he broke before or after his small I’m sorry. What he does know is Tanaka has now walked him outside and they were hiding in a small outdoor covered area, Tsukishima’s eye sockets pressed heavily into his knees as he cried. He felt Tanaka’s arm draped over his back, pulling Tsukishima’s body into his chest as best as he could. </p><p>“It’s okay, Kei.” </p><p>There was too much going on in his mind and he felt himself go limp at Tanaka’s touch. He felt throw up or emotions or something stir in the pit of his stomach at himself. Tanaka’s hand push his hair away from his forehead and his cheek took its place, and suddenly the warmth of his face was the most comforting thing he had ever felt. They stayed like that for a very long time, the wind whistling through the walls around them and blowing small pieces of trash around their feet in circles. After Tsukishima's hiccups died down, he sat silently while he leaned against Tanaka’s shoulder. He listened to Tanaka’s sweater move against his ear as his shoulders lifted and fell with each breath and he counted them until he got to 100. </p><p>“Nobody knows,” Was all he could manage to say, and Jesus his voice seemed weak and embarrassing. “About me, I mean.” He almost started crying again just at the sound of it. Tanaka’s body stiffened in shock at him saying something after having been silent for so long, but quickly relaxed. It took a second for him to answer. Tsukishima never saw Tanaka this calm and collected, but he supposes he never allowed himself to do anything but joke around with him. He knew Tanaka’s eyebrows were pulled together in thought without even needing to look at him, and thinking about the fact that he was the one who took Tanaka’s contagious smile away made Tsukishima’s stomach sick. </p><p>“Okay.” Was all Tanaka said. Tsukishima feels like this should be comforting, having such a simple reaction, but he feels like he isn’t being taken seriously. </p><p>“Not even Kiyoko, Tanaka.” </p><p>Tanaka’s response was much quicker this time. “Okay.” Tsukishima feels a headache growing between his eyebrows and gives in, pinches them together. </p><p>“Do you know what i’m saying right now?” He says quietly. Tsukishima was so insanely fragile in this moment and he knows Tanaka could tell. He could break him right now using just a few words, it would only take a couple, and he probably looked like an absolute idiot compared to how he acted the rest of the time with his friends. Tanaka dragged his fingers up and down Tsukishima’s back. </p><p>“Yes. It’s okay, Kei. It’s fine.”</p><p>“It’s not fine. I just told you I’m gay and you’re cuddling me like nothing happened. You don’t even cuddle me period, so this is definitely not fine.”</p><p>Tanaka laughed, and it makes Tsukishima realize how quiet they had been being. “You seemed to need cuddles, and so I gave you them. And it obviously helped because now you aren’t crying. It’s not weird.”</p><p>“Not even-“</p><p>“No, not even that.” There was another moment between the two of them. “I don’t even want to hear you ask me if that’s weird, Kei. I don’t care at all.” Tsukishima pressed his lips tightly together, forcing a smile down and away. </p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>“So, you like Yamaguchi?” Tsukishima finally looks up from his hunched over position and almost doesn’t answer when he realizes Tanaka has been crying as well. His eyes were red and there were small streaks down his face which he quickly wiped with the back of his hands, sniffling his nose. Kei hadn’t even noticed. </p><p>“No, i’m just envious of him I guess.” He decides not to comment on Tanaka crying. </p><p>“You? Envious?” Tanaka laughed a little.</p><p>Tsukishima shrugs, sitting himself against the wall, Tanaka straightening up himself as well in following. “He gets to be gay and not care.”</p><p>“I’m sure he cares, Tsukishima.” Tsukishima missed Tanaka calling him Kei a little bit. “Just because he’s out doesn’t mean it’s easy, he’s just different than you.”</p><p>Tsukishima bit at his nails again. “He lives with his parents, he’s got friends.” Tanaka shook his head, resting it against the wall. </p><p>“You don’t know him. He’s gone through it, Tsukishima.” Tsukishima feels a little guilty so he dropped it, and the two of them sat against the wall outside until the redness in Tsukishima’s eyes and nose had finally subsided. There was a shout from inside, probably Nishinoya. “Why did you tell me? I mean, I know we're sort of friends but… no offense but we also kind of aren’t.”</p><p>Tsukishima laughed. “I don’t know. I guess it’s easier to tell someone something when their opinion won’t matter. Telling my parents, or Kiyoko-“ He inhaled back the thickness in his throat. “Thats hard. I don’t know what they’re gonna do or say, and then I’ll have to deal with it for the rest of my life.” Tanaka nods, deep in thought.</p><p>“She would still love you the same, you know. Kiyoko.” Tsukishima does know.</p><p>“I know,” He can’t find the strength to speak above a whisper. “But it’s like- I can’t. I feel guilty because I’ve never even been in love with a guy, so what if I tell her and then I’m not? Or she’ll think I'm doing it for attention or something. I don’t know it’d easier for you to tell me that she won’t care then for me to accept it. I care a little too much myself honestly, and I don’t even 100% know what is going on with me.” He presses his hands against his eyes. “I don’t know if I’m just curious, lonely. Bored. Sexually frustrated. A straight guy who’s just given no attention from anyone but his family so he decides to go to his last resort.” Tanaka rests a hand on Kei’s shoulder. Normally Tsukishima would shoot some nasty remark, but he for once in his life allowed himself to enjoy the comfort. </p><p>“I love you, Tsukishima.” Tsukishima looks up at a loss for words and Tanaka quickly starts to stumble over his words. “No! I mean, not that love! I love you like a brother. I know that’s probably weird to hear since we don’t talk without Kiyoko and stuff but Im just so glad you were able to talk to me, that’s so cool dude. And I’m gonna be here a lot more now, I don’t think you’re gonna be able to get rid of me. We’re about to be best friends.” Tsukishima leans his head back against the wall, grinning at Tanaka. “We’ll be attached at the hip! Most unlikely but powerful duo, Tsukki and Tanaka.”</p><p>“Kiyoko will lose her mind.” Tanaka laughs loudly.</p><p>“She will! She’ll be so confused, ‘you two got along but never like this? What happened?’ Dude… I can’t wait to tell her you told me first, i'll never let it go. I’m so proud to have taken your coming out virginity.” Tsukishima made a face and stood, stretching his legs which were now stiff after having sat for too long.</p><p>“You’re an idiot.” Kei mutters, feeling more like himself again. Tanaka smiles and follows after tsukki when he begins his strides toward the door, babbling about something that Noya had told him. He didn’t ever like thinking about change, the idea that his whole entire universe which once orbited perfectly within the palm of his hand was now starting to turn a completely different way and he was confused and afraid, but at least he had Tanaka. A warmth spreads through his chest, and they finally go back inside to join everyone else once again. </p><p>•</p><p>Tsukishima's music was blasting through his headphones as he finally approached the bus stop, rubbing his nose as he read the sign to see when the next ride was supposed to arrive. Normally Kiyoko would be driving him home but her and Tanaka have been extra cuddly today and he didn’t want to have to deal with the gross sexual yet non sexual tension that would be the car ride so he came up with some lame excuse to take the bus. They bought it hesitantly, but bought it. The next bus wasn’t supposed to come for around six minutes so he leaned himself against one of the posts that held up a flimsy plastic roof over the small bench and pulled his coat collar over his chin to block out as much sharp wind as he could. he turned his music up, closing his eyes and letting his fingers drum silently against his pant leg. </p><p>It had been a while since he’d been able to really relax. Now that Tanaka was in on his big stupid secret he practically asked Tsukishima for outfit advice every day and asked Tsukishima if he thinks every guy they walk past is hot. He really appreciates that Tanaka is trying his hardest to make him feel comfortable and normal, but he isn’t used to needing to talk to Tanaka alone this much and it was starting to get awkward for him. But if anything he’s glad he’s trying. At least Tanaka still talks to him, he’s very lucky for that. There was a small sound coming from beside him but he couldn’t tell how near it was because of his music so he chose to avoid it, letting his eyes drift closed and pull himself into a trance of thought. He thought about the last week, the last month, and suddenly the world became quiet and he felt himself finally, completely relax. </p><p>It was a couple hours later when he opened his eyes and he immediately jolted when realizing the sky was darkening already. He flicked his phone on, only having one missed call from Akiteru and a couple texts. </p><p>From Shit:<br/>
Where r u<br/>
you alive?</p><p>he responded a yes and sniffled, watching the blue tint from waking up start to fade away from his eyes as he looked around him. His eyes turned to his left and immediately met with a bright pink freckled face, Tsukishima’s eyes widening in shock and unexpectance. </p><p>“Hey!”</p><p>Tsukishima nearly pissed himself and yelped embarrassingly loud, almost losing his balance. He’s only embarrassed for a little bit that he had been watching him sleep, but it’s replaced with anger quickly. “What is wrong with you? Are you just watching me?”</p><p>“No, obviously not. I was going to catch the bus but got here and you were asleep. It seemed like you needed rest so, I stayed here and made sure no one kidnapped you or anything.” Tsukishima gaped his mouth open and shut it multiple times like a fish as he tried to figure out what to say. That definitely is not the nicest thing anyone has ever done for him, he’s not gonna allow himself to believe that. </p><p>Tsukishima struggles to find words to say anything back. “That’s so dumb, you could’ve woken me up you know. Now I have to walk home, I missed my fucking bus.”</p><p>“That’s okay, I can walk home with you! You needed to sleep.” Tsukishima tsked, turning on his heel and beginning his walk toward his house and feeling his face warm up. He silently hoped Yamaguchi would follow after him. Not because he wanted the company, but it was getting dark and he had to admit, at least to himself he was a little scared of the decently long walk to his house. He was really grateful Yamaguchi had been there, if he had been alone he would’ve wound up being too scared to take the bus for a long time. </p><p>As he had hoped, he could hear Yamaguchi’s feet crunch against the pebbles that scattered the sidewalk behind him as he followed close behind silently. Tsukishima turned back slightly to look at him from the corner of his eye and noticed he had a large scarf wrapped around his neck. Kei laughed to himself, turning back around. “You look like a hermit crab.”</p><p>“A what?”</p><p>“The scarf is big, kinda makes you look like a hermit crab.” Tsukishima realizes this is mean and that maybe Yamaguchi doesn’t understand that teasing is kind of Tsukishima's only comfortable way of socializing. He was in the middle of a mental debate of whether or not to mention this to Yamaguchi before Yamaguchi laughed. </p><p>“Well, I’ll take it as a compliment. Thank you, Tsukki.”</p><p>Tsukishima tucked his chin deeper into the collar of his coat, feeling his breath dampen his skin as he pulled at a loose string from inside his pocket. He was feeling really nervous for no damn reason. </p><p>“Why do you call me Tsukki?”</p><p>“Because I think it’s cute.” Cute. This guy is really confident with his words.</p><p>“It’s very friendly.”</p><p>“Sure it is.” Tsukishima decides to drop it. He didn’t mind Tsukki that much if he’s being honest so it wasn’t worth the trouble. Yamaguchi was way too happy all the time to argue with anyways, it would just piss him off. </p><p>Yamaguchi eventually caught up to Tsukishima’s pace and they walked side by side in a comfortable silence for a short while, their arms occasionally briefly touching, but neither of them moving away. Yamaguchi’s arm was stuck like glue to his side as was Tsukishima’s, and for some reason even if this is how his arm always was it felt strange to hold it that way. </p><p>“Well, what are your weekend plans?” Tsukishima finds himself asking and he’s not even sure why, it’s not like he really cares. </p><p>“Nothing really. I’ll probably be at Hinata’s all weekend.” Tsukishima nodded. </p><p>“Are you guys going to that party?” Yamaguchi tilted his head in thought. </p><p>“I was thinking about it but i’m not really into-“ He stops in his tracks, looking up at the sky. Tsukishima stops too, staring at him and glancing up as well before looking back down. </p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>“It’s raining.” As if on command, Tsukishima watches a raindrop fall against his glasses. He can count only two seconds until another hits the top of his head, and as it starts to speed up him and Yamaguchi look at each other frantically. </p><p>“My house isn’t for another two miles or so!” Tsukishima yelps, and watches Yamaguchi throw his head back in a laugh. He began peeling his coat off to hold above his head, Tsukishima watches as the fabric flows from his arms revealing a simple white T, and confirms that yes: all of Yamaguchi’s body is covered in freckles. He feels his stomach flutter. </p><p>“Then we’ll run, I guess!” Tsukishima starts to pull his own jacket off and doesn’t miss Yamaguchi’s eyes flicker to his chest, only for a second. </p><p>“What about you? Then you’ll have to go home from my house? You don’t have to walk with me.” Yamaguchi started to jog and Tsukishima jogged right next to him. The rain was now at a pace where he could hear it evenly patter against the coat above his head. </p><p>“I’ll be fine, it’ll be refreshing.” Tsukishima rolled his eyes. </p><p>“You’re an idiot, i’ll let you come inside until it stops.” Yamaguchi loses his footing for a  moment, stumbling over a small rock. Tsukishima slows down so he doesn’t get top far ahead, and Yamaguchi just smiles and avoids eye contact. </p><p>“Yeah, okay. That’s fine.”</p><p>•</p><p>Kei walked in first and let Yamaguchi follow close behind him, dropping the jacket from above his head and tossing it to a metal chair. He turned to the green haired boy. </p><p>“Give me yours too, Yama.” There was a couple moments were Yamaguchi stared at him in awe and Tsukishima wasn’t quite sure why, the eye contact between them stretching for an uncomfortably long time. Eventually he broke his gaze and snapped out of it. handing the soaking wet coat to Tsukki. Kei kicked off his shoes, Yamaguchi copying his exact actions and following him into the living room where Akiteru and one of his friends were playing a video game on the television. Yamaguchi’s eyes skimmed over the living room in awe, taking in every inch so he could forever remember it. </p><p>“I thought you were dead.” Akiteru says flatly, cursing under his breath at his game and obviously having not noticed Yamaguchi’s presence yet. </p><p>“Thanks for sending that swat team to come save me, i’m so glad my brother loves me.” Tsukishima said sarcastically, stopping at the base of the stairs to look at his brother who was still focused. Akiteru and Yamaguchi both chuckle. </p><p>“Nice one, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi chimes. Tsukishima grins to himself, feeling a surge of pride at that comment. Akiteru’s head whips quickly toward Kei, to the boy next to him, and then back to Kei. </p><p>“What the hell?” Is all he says. Tsukishima bites his lip feeling a blush rise to his ears. </p><p>“It’s raining, he was walking home so I told him he can wait here since we’re closer.” Akiteru seems to be pondering something over and over in his head as he looks intently at Yamaguchi. “This is Yamaguchi, he’s a friend of mine. Yamaguchi this is Akiteru.”</p><p>He hadn’t processed the word friend before saying it, and after he said it it had already been put out there so there was no going back. He watched as Yamaguchi turned to him quickly, something unreadable on his face but Tsukishima didn’t dare make eye contact. He thinks if he did he might melt right there on the spot. </p><p>“FRIEND?” Akiteru’s friend shouts, turning away from the game screen which had now been paused. The two older boys stared at Kei and Yamaguchi, who fidgeted awkwardly. </p><p>“You guys are idiots. I have friends.” Kei grumbles, starting his way up the stairs. Yamaguchi hesitantly follows behind, not sure if it’s rude to break conversation with Akiteru after just meeting him. </p><p>“But you don’t!” Is the last thing they hear before Tsukishima is opening his bedroom door and wow Yamaguchi’s nose is flooded with the smell of Tsukishima Kei. It overwhelms his senses and he starts to slow his walk while he takes in the fact that he was INSIDE of Tsukishima’s room right now. Just them. In his room. Alone. </p><p>The walls are light grey and torn at certain spots from age, a few band and random posters here and there and some glow in the dark stars stuck to the ceiling. Yamaguchi tries really hard but can’t hold back a laugh when he spots even a perfectly aligned constellation amongst them. Tsukishima turns, obviously offended. </p><p>“What’s so funny?”</p><p>“You have glow in the dark stars... on your ceiling...” Yamaguchi manages out between laughs. Tsukishima straightens his posture in defense. </p><p>“They’re stuck there. They’re superglued on because I was an idiot of a kid. Stop laughing!” Yamaguchi decides to not bring up the dinosaur stuffed animal perched perfectly in the center of the bed and just wipes the laughing tears out of his eyes, feeling his wet hair brush against his hand. </p><p>Tsukishima grumbles under his breath as he pulls one of his shirts out of his drawer, throwing it and a pair of sweats at Yamaguchi, who almost doesn’t have the strength from jan laugher to catch them. Tsukishima grabs his own clothes, throwing them onto the bed and then standing awkwardly. The two of them stared at one another for a moment before bursting into a fit of words. </p><p>“I have to get changed, idiot.”</p><p>“Okay! I- I won’t look!”</p><p>“Turn around!”</p><p>Yamaguchi covers his eyes comically and turns his back on Tsukishima, who still felt extremely nervous changing even near Yamaguchi at all. He hadn’t even began to process that he was about to be nearly naked in front of another guy who wasn’t his family, and that made his stomach flip in a funny way. </p><p>He pulled his jeans off, feeling the wet denim tug against his skin and his face heat up, watching the back of Yamaguchi’s head bob to itself. There was a peek of skin from his neck where his scarf had fallen down from, and he spotted the freckles that rose from his shoulder blades. He tore his eyes away before his thoughts could get lewd and pulled the shorts and black T-shirt quickly over his body. He grabbed a towel, roughing it though his hair. </p><p>“Okay, i’m dressed.” Yamaguchi nodded and turned, eyeing Tsukishima casually and way too openly. Kei turned away. “Don’t look at me like that!”</p><p>“Sorry Tsukki. Okay, don’t look.” Tsukishima sat himself facing away from Yamaguchi as he pulled his own clothes off, and Tsukki listened a little too closely as the fabric fell to the floor. He felt his throat close up and too many thoughts flood his mind, the fabric of his clothes audibly pulling over Yamaguchi’s skin. This was way too much. </p><p>Tsukishima’s phone chimed and he pulled himself out of a trance to check who mad messaged him. </p><p>From Tanaka</p><p>Hey could you send me some pictures from your notes from unit 7? i skipped</p><p>Tsukishima laughed. </p><p>To Tanaka</p><p>I skipped too, Kiyoko needed my clothes for gym</p><p>From Tanaka</p><p>I don’t know anyone else in that class (￣︿￣)</p><p>To Tanaka</p><p>Kiyoko’s a year  ahead maybe she has her old notebook</p><p>Tsukishima doesn’t get a response and stares blankly at Tanaka and his chat screen until he finally is given the OK to turn back around. His eyes raise from his phone and drag slowly up Yamaguchi's body, he hadn’t intended them to, it just happened naturally. He seemed like he drowned in his clothes, the length of the sleeves covering his hands entirely and the sweatpants bagged largely around his hips and thighs. His eyes finally met back to Yamaguchi’s, who stared at Tsukishima with a hopeful and almost longing expression. </p><p>It was almost as if a pole drove between the two of them, pushing them a perfect distance away from each other as to avoid the danger that could pursue if they were to step any closer. Tsukishima didn’t think he liked Yamaguchi. He barely knew the guy, they’d only talked casually and he didn’t even recognize Yamaguchi’s existence until recently so there’s no way there could be any sort of emotion that strung between the two of them. And yet, Tsukishima could feel the pole start to fall away and Yama sat next to him on the bed and looked at something on his phone. This is dangerous, Kei.</p><p>To Tanaka</p><p>How did you know you liked Kiyoko?</p><p>He waited for a response and watched Yama fall on his back to the bed, his arms holding his phone above his face. Tsukishima feels his phone vibrate, but lets himself stare a little bit longer. Yama turned to him, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>“What?” Tsukishima turns away, pulling his phone to his face.</p><p>“Nothing, I wasn’t staring.” Yamaguchi laughs quietly.</p><p>“I didn’t say anything about staring. You’re really nervous right now. It’s weird to see you act like this.” Tsukishima’s face was buried into his phone, pretending to be busy with something.<br/>
He opens up Tanaka’s message. “I’m not nervous.”</p><p>“You are too.” Yamaguchi huffs our a laugh.</p><p>From Tanaka</p><p>It’s probably more confusing for you than It was for me, but my best way of explaining it is that you wont think about sex with someone if you don’t like them.</p><p>Tsukishima reads this over and over. After having taken about a hundred ‘Am I Gay?’ quizzes through his youth, he obviously had heard that one before.</p><p>To Tanaka</p><p>anything else</p><p>From Tanaka</p><p>I mean I thought about her all the time. I got nervous, happy. She’s beautiful and I don’t think I could ever see her as ugly.</p><p>Tsukishima reads over his last message a few times. Maybe he did like Yamaguchi, but he wasn’t sure if he really wanted to. He still thought he was sort of irritating, but he definitely thought about him a lot. And he was pretty. Kei looked toward the bow who was sprawled out awkwardly across the bed, his t-shirt riding up dangerously and revealing a patch of pale skin right below his bellybutton. Kei felt like his mind was short circuiting and suddenly he was way too sober for any of this situation. </p><p>“Do you smoke?” Yamaguchi shrugs.</p><p>“Sometimes, I’d be down.” Yamaguchi mumbles to himself and stands up to follow Tsukishima to his window where he pulled his pipe and grinder out of a fake flowerpot. Yamaguchi looked around. “Won’t your house smell?”</p><p>“Akiteru won’t care and my mom never comes home.” Yamaguchi nods, watching as Tsukki’s slim fingers pull and twist with the grinder, grabbing a small pinch and pushing it into the pipe. He feels his mind wander to the shape and texture of his hands, how they smelled, how they felt. How they would feel.</p><p>“She work a lot?” Yamaguchi mumbled as he watched Tsukishima’s finger flick his lighter to life. Tsukishima huffed out a breathy laugh, and if Tsukki hadn’t been watching him so closely he’s sure he would’ve missed it.</p><p>“No, she’s just crazy.” He muttered, pulling the pipe to his lips and inhaling. Yamaguchi watched his chest and shoulders rise with his inhale and his body still even after pulling It away. He closed his eyes when he exhaled and Yama felt it tingle his lower stomach. “She’s really manic, she’s suing her old job and thinks she’s gonna get tons of money for it and we’ll all move to Europe or something. She’s probably out doing crack or something.” Tsukishima’s words had been leaving his mouth before he could process what he was admitting to someone that he barely even knew. Suddenly his vulnerability was at a peak once again, something that had been happening way too often. He looked at Yama to see if there was any sort of uncomfort or hesitancy in his eyes but there was none. Yama pulled the pipe to his own mouth in silence, taking his own hit and considering what he should say next. The rooms silence broke with a few throaty coughs.</p><p>“You don’t deserve that.” Yamaguchi says flatly, and Tsukishima can’t bring himself to stare any longer because Yamaguchi smoking weed was probably one of the hottest things he’d ever seen in his life. He was tired of trying to convince himself against the fact that everything this boy did set him off in an unexplainable way.</p><p>“You don’t even know me.” Tsukishima shoots back. Yamaguchi rolls his eye, blowing his smoke out the windows screen. Tsukishima watches the lights from his room illuminate the smoke in the pitch black.</p><p>“You’re not as big as an asshole as you put up a front as, you know. You’re just a brat.” Tsukishima’s lungs began to burn and he has a small involuntary coughing fit. Yamaguchi smiles to himself like he had just scored a point, or removed a brick from a wall that was built between them. Tsukishima felt the pole between them shrink a little bit more, just like it had the first time Yamaguchi sat on his bed. He feels like a coward but he’s not sure why. </p><p>“Fuck you. You’re one to talk mr. I’m so nice and everyone loves me.” Yamaguchi grins.<br/>
“I am nice, and everyone does love me.” Tsukishima scoffs and lights the pipe for the second time. </p><p>“I don’t.” Yamaguchi was now sitting against Tsukki’s windowsill, watching him a little too intently. </p><p>“You do a little.” Tsukishima didn’t dare make eye contact. This was getting a little too intense for his comfort. He wasn’t sure how he would react if he did make eye contact, or how Yama would. Or what he would do. Or what he wouldn’t, he guesses. </p><p>“Nope.” Tsukki pops his p and hands the small green pipe to Yamaguchi’s small hand, who grabbed it happily. Kei could feel the cloudy pink begin to take over his eyes and he closes them, paying extra close attention to the strange euphoric feeling that was the warmth from his room on his back, and the sharp air against his face from the window. </p><p>“You’re different when you’re high, it’s cute.” Tsukishima keeps his eyes closed, but he wasn’t shocked at Yamaguchi’s open flirting attempts anymore. He found himself grinning to them and he felt a weight lift off his shoulders as he became more and more comfortable.</p><p>“You’re different too, pretty straightforward. You’ve got nothing to lose, do you?” Yamaguchi leaned his head back, and even with Tsukishima's towering height and how small and ridiculous Yamaguchi looked in clothes a couple sizes too big, he still found himself feeling intimidated. Yamaguchi was confident, way more than usual and that may only be considering the few times Tsukishima remembers talking to him, but it still felt notably different. Yamaguchi smiled sideways and tilted his head into it. </p><p>Tsukishima reaches his hand up, his heart moving faster than his brain and runs his fingers through Yamaguchi’s hair. He had been wondering for way too long what it would feel like or how on earth he looked so good with green hair of all colors. He realizes he isn’t thinking clearly and should probably be monitoring more closely his actions because with every word and motion the two of them seemed to dig into a deeper strive for whatever the next possible move is. Tsukishima stopped his hand on top of Yamaguchi’s head, his hair pushed back and away from his forehead and he finally brought his eyes down to note that the once smug look Yamaguchi had been sporting replaced with shock and a little bit of something Tsukishima didn’t quite have a word for. His eyes were wide and hollowed, and Tsukishima let his fingers gently roll down Yamaguchi’s face and run softly across the purple patch of skin right below his eyes. </p><p>“You look tired.” Yamaguchi’s shock faded and he leaned his cheek against Tsukishima’s hand, closing his eyes. Tsukki couldn’t look look away, and felt his face heat at his actions. He supposes he’s more confident as well.</p><p>“I am tired. Want to take a nap?”</p><p>“What is this?” Tsukishima mutters, mostly to himself because he couldn’t find the answers in his thoughts. Yamaguchi doesn’t seem to mind the question and continues to press his cheek against Tsukki’s hand, his breath fanning gently across Tsukishima’s fingers. He feels comfort just standing like this, but at the same time there was a weight of confusion and regret that pulled at his chest as he thought about what he was doing with him. He found himself paying extra close attention to the sound coming from the hallway waiting for any sort of sound that would cause him to fly back and away from this intimate position, but there was only silence and his feet stayed completely still.</p><p>“Why does it have to be anything?” Yamaguchi says, his voice seemed almost frustrated. Tsukishima wanted to ask Yamaguchi why he felt so nervous right now, but he knew he shouldn’t be looking at Yamaguchi for answers. Only he could answer that for himself. “Let’s just… be.”</p><p>There was music that could be heard playing from downstairs and Tsukishima set the pipe down on his dresser. It was what he had wanted to hear, and yet he felt odd. He knew he was gay, he had even admitted this to not only himself but Tanaka, but he wasn’t sure if he was ready for something like this after still not understanding who he was. He slowly pulled his hand away from Yamaguchi’s face, and he whined at the loss of touch. It was the answer he wanted, but still he wasn’t happy. He didn’t want to date Yamaguchi, the kid pissed him off, but he envied his strength so much that it was getting difficult to tell the difference between a crush and his envy. He inhaled heavy, sitting on the edge of his bed. Yama sat next to him and they played the game of who’s going to break the silence first, something they did an awful lot. </p><p>“You don’t… You don’t want it to be something do you?” Yamaguchi whispered and something pinched Tsukishima in his heart at the hopeful sound in his voice. He pushes it away.</p><p>“I barely even know you.” Yamaguchi pulls his knees to his chest.</p><p>“Yeah, I guess so.” The two of them sat together in uncomfortable quiet, the music coming through the floor muffled and soft. Tsukishima could almost scoff at how cliche he felt in this moment, he felt like he had always known Yamaguchi since his childhood. Like he had been in this room a hundred times over again, but he hadn’t. Yamaguchi traced his pinky over Tsukki’s sheets, inching dangerously close to Tsukki’s own pinky. They touched only for a moment and Kei closed his eyes. </p><p>“Yama…"</p><p>“We don’t have to even be anything, I know. I just…” Yamaguchi pulls his finger away after a moment, embarrassed. “You just seem really scared. And it’s fine, you don’t have to be scared.” Tsukishima didn’t say anything, starting to get upset. Yamaguchi treated him like a puzzle that he wanted to solve. “When I was in the closet my-“</p><p>“My GOD Yamaguchi, stop! Why are you trying to crack me so hard?! It’s not your problem! Why the fuck do you think you have the right to know what my reasoning for anything is? You don’t even know me.” He feels his teeth grind as Yamaguchi’s face pulled together in disgust. Regret started to flood over him but he ignored it, its not like he could go back.</p><p>“Fuck you, Tsukishima. You brood and mope around how hard it is to be you and then the second someone tries to talk to you you attack them. You’re a fucking asshole.” Yamaguchi stood up and pulled his bag off the floor. “Hinata was right, you’re not worth it.” Kei dragged his hands over his face and let out a long breath. There were too many things in his mind he couldn’t focus on anything. He knew he shouldn’t have said anything but he couldn’t stop it from coming out, he felt the words from anger flow out so much easier than coming from a place of sincerity. On top of that Yamaguchi pissed him off anyways, not in an angry way but in a confused way. He didn’t like how he didn’t know how he felt when he was with him, how he wondered what he was thinking about when Tsukishima looked at him. Why he wanted to know what he dreamed of, what made him cry. Yamaguchi stood at Tsukishima’s door obviously with the intention but his feet didn’t move. Tsukishima watched as his shoulders began to shake lightly to themselves and all of Tsukishima’s energy to do absolutely anything seemed to vanish, he had used it all up from yelling. He wanted to do so many things, walk up to him and hold his shaking body still but he couldn’t move. Tsukishima just watched in shock as the boy in front of him slowly fell apart, feeling powerless as sobs quickly started to escape his mouth. </p><p>Finding his strength he stood and cautiously walked his way to Yamaguchi. He stood directly behind him for a while before deciding to wrap his arms around him and pull his small back into his chest. A sob escaped quietly from Yamaguchi’s mouth at the sudden contact, and Tsukishima tucked his head gently into Yama’s shoulder. He smelled his hair, his skin. His eyes glanced to the side, noticing the complexity of his scattered freckles as they danced up his neck. </p><p>“Stay.” He whispered. Yamaguchi’s shoulders hadn’t completely stopped shaking, so it made the slight nod that Yamaguchi had offered moments after almost impossible to catch. They stood like that for a while, Tsukishima’s breath warming Yamaguchi’s neck until his crying had finally finished. His finger reached out and for a second Tsukishima thought he was reaching for the door to leave, but his finger switched the light. The room fills quickly with darkness and Tsukishima stands up straight in surprise as a small body pushes itself into Tsukishima’s front. He looks down, but his eyes hadn’t adjusted quite yet so there wasn’t much of a point. His arms eventually find their way around Yamaguchi’s, memorizing how small he feels like this.</p><p>“I’m jealous of you.” Tsukishima says quietly, he would say anything in this moment if it would wind up making him feel better.<br/>
“Why?” Tsukishima debates telling him the same he told Tanaka.</p><p>“Doesn’t matter. I just wanted you to know.” </p><p>•</p><p>It had been a couple months since that night. There was only a few months of school left before their small break leading to graduation, a surreal thought that as quickly as the years seemed to go by Tsukishima was about to be gone and on with his life in no time. In the months of his and Yamaguchi’s friendship, a pattern of a pattern of Yamaguchi coming over, smoking weed, an unbearable or unexplainable connection that stood between the two of them that lasted only inside of Tsukishima’s bedroom started to change from once every few weeks, to once every week, to almost every day. At school they talked but normally, Tsukishima was his usual judgmental self and Yamaguchi just happily trailed behind him when he was around. Kiyoko didn’t seem to mind Yamaguchi’s sudden presence and neither did Tanaka, if anything Tanaka loved having Yamaguchi join them in whatever they choose to do that day. Tsukishima is sure that he’s trying to play wingman since he’s the only one who knows, but it’s hard to tell if Tanaka is making sure they always sit together because he’s playing wingman or he really just is that obsessed with always being with Kiyoko. Both are equally possible.</p><p>Yamaguchi was laying upside-down, his hair hanging with gravity off the edge of the bed. He was holding a sketchbook above his face and his entire attention was pointed at whatever he was drawing. Tsukishima watched him, leaning against his window as he took a hit from his dab pen. An Arctic Monkeys record that Yamaguchi brought played in the background from Tsukishima’s closet, he had started bringing records after he found out Tsukishima had his moms old record player tucked somewhere in boxes.</p><p>“How can you draw like that? Isn’t it hard?” </p><p>Yamaguchi laughed, turning over onto his stomach. “Honestly, yeah.” Tsukishima scoffed, scrolling through instagram on his phone. Yamaguchi had seemed to accept Tsukishima’s self confusion and didn’t push at it much after that  point. They sure argued an awful lot, which made the amount of time they spent together even more strange, but although they almost never got along it was like they always did at the same time. It was sort of beautifully toxic, and Tsukishima was addicted to it. He needed it, all the time. Whatever it was.</p><p>“Have you ever loved someone?” Yamaguchi asked casually. Tsukki thought about it, rolling the pen between his fingers.</p><p>“Sure, but not romantically. I don’t think that’s something I’ll ever find interesting.” Yamaguchi kept drawing, but stayed quiet waiting for an explanation. Kei scoffed. “Well, I don’t think one person for the rest of someones life seems realistic. It doesn’t seem appealing, to have to be with one person for the rest of my life. You’d think you’d start to get bored of each other. I’ll probably marry just for financial purposes and then have an open marriage.” </p><p>Yamaguchi doesn’t look up from his sketch, but his eyes looked a little concerned. “Thats really fucking depressing. You can’t just give up because it’s sucked so far.” The two of them let what Yama had said hang silently between them, Tsukishima didn’t respond because he had a feeling Yama wasn’t finished. “When I was a little kid I had cancer, you know.”</p><p>Tsukishima turned quickly to look at his friend, who didn’t seem phased. Of course he wouldn’t be, he was the one who had cancer. It’s not like it’s a shock to him or anything. “What? Really?”</p><p>“Yep, I was bald and everything. The whole packaged deal.” Kei didn’t want to just apologize because that probably wasn’t what he wanted to hear, he’d probably heard it a billion times. He takes another hit. </p><p>“Well, I’m glad you didn’t die.”</p><p>It was such a simple sentence, but Yamaguchi’s universe seemed to stop spinning in that very moment. He knew nothing would ever come from his strange relationship with Tsukki, it was a hard pill to swallow but it almost seemed inevitable. It was inevitable that until the day he dies, he would always want Tsukishima for more then he’d be willing to give up and he knew this. But moments like this, when Tsukki lets a little piece of his wall down only for a moment give Yamaguchi an embarrassing amount of hope. That even if it would turn out this way, at least he has a best friend. He smiled to himself, looking at his drawing of the tall, blonde boy in front of him. He folded it to a perfect pocket size, hiding it away in his jeans. </p><p>“You’re so weird. That’s a pretty strange thing to tell someone.” Tsukishima grins for whatever reason, but Yama finds himself smiling even bigger when he catches it. </p><p>“It’s one of my many talents.”</p><p>“Astonishing.” Yamaguchi walked up to Tsukki, grabbing the pen from his hands and holding a lingering eye contact as he took an inhale of the drug. Tsukishima’s eyes glossed over his face, watching as Yamaguchi’s lips left the pen.</p><p>“You’re pushing it, Yama.” Yamaguchi laughed.</p><p>“Hey, I didn’t cough!” Tsukishima’s eyes haven’t left his lips and Yamaguchi starts to melt under the look. “What is it?” Tsukishima takes the pen back, using it himself. Yamaguchi wonders what would happen if he leaned in right now. Oh how easy it would be.</p><p>“You look like an idiot.” Yamaguchi smirks, leaning his head against the wall and watching Tsukishima from his side. His shoulder was pretty much perfectly leveled with Yamaguchi’s eyes, and he caves in with his inner thoughts and rests his head gently against his shoulder.</p><p>It’s boney, which was to be expected with Tsukishima’s lanky body type. He feels Tsukishima tense and quickly play a game of will he yell at me or go with it in his head. Eventually, Tsukishima chooses to go with it, most likely thanks to the marijuana that was seeping through his veins. To Yamaguchi’s surprise, a hand slowly raises from behind him and rests timidly on his hipbone. Yamaguchi is physical almost always with Tsukki, to the most he can without getting screamed at, but it’s almost never is given back. Yamaguchi holds his body dangerously still, afraid that if he moves the moment would end. </p><p>“You wanna stay the night?” Yamaguchi’s eyes widen and he almost doesn’t think he heard him correctly. He looks down at Tsukishima’s hand as it nervously pulled at a string dangling from his jeans, still not wanting to move away from his shoulder quite yet.</p><p>“Like, sleep here?” Tsukishima nods and Yamaguchi feels his stomach turn. “In the bed with you?” Yamaguchi starts to laugh a little at the thought of Tsukishima in Dino PJs and Tsukishima is quick to retaliate, as per usual. </p><p>“Shut up! Will you or will you not.” </p><p>“Whats the occasion?” </p><p>“I just want you to.” Yamaguchi stares a little too hard at his feet because not only had Tsukishima really just wanted Yamaguchi to be there.Yamaguchi of all people. It wasn’t like Tsukishima had many people to hangout with, he wasn’t sure if there was anyone at all, but he still wanted to hold onto that moment of worthfulness. </p><p>Yamaguchi nodded against his shoulder, feeling the smoke blow down his neck as Tsukki exhaled. He held onto that feeling for a few moments as Tsukishima silently smoked. “Yama, look at me for a second.” Yamaguchi obliges and feels Tsukishima’s hand hold his chin gently, his stomach starts to flutter as he watches their faces get dangerously close. “Have you ever shotgunned before?” Yamaguchi nods. He hadn’t, but it can’t be that hard. He watches with eyes open as Tsukishima leans in, their top lips brushing against each other and with that Tsukishima is exhaling and Yamaguchi is taking it in like its oxygen. Yamaguchi closes his eyes, hoping he never forgets the feeling in his chest that he’s feeling right now. Slight burn from the smoke, slight ache from his heart. He holds his breath as Tsukishima pulls away, resting their foreheads together. Yama lets his breath out between them and watches the smoke stream wisp around Tsukki’s collarbone, lightly peeking from his collar. </p><p>“Yeah, I’ll stay.”<br/>
•</p><p>Kiyoko was driving, her hair was down and she had glitter stuck to her cheekbones and pushed back into her hairline as it circled perfectly around her eyes. Tanaka had finally for once let Tsukishima sit shotgun, and he was using the mirror that was in front of him to his advantage to apply the eyeliner that Kiyoko had handed him as well as he could considering the bouncing car-ride. The graduation party was euphoria themed, a party theme that he’s seen at least 3 times in the last year, and even if it wasn’t anything new Kiyoko was BEYOND excited. She had dressed Tanaka and Tsukki up herself in matching cropped shirts and glittered jeans, and Tanaka being one of the most unbothered people he’d ever met in his life was absolutely loving it. Tsukki enjoyed it but couldn’t help the internalized homophobia from silently judging himseld, so having Tanaka (one of the straightest guys he’s ever met) be confident helped him a lot more then he’d like to admit. </p><p>Tanaka had officially gained a spot in Tsukishima’s not hate box, and Tsukishima found himself barely ever making rude remarks to him at all. He didn’t say anything nice, however, but still. Nothing mean per se. He was proud to admit that Tanaka was his friend. As if on command of Tsukki’s thoughts, Tanaka made a loud comment about how men in crop tops should be normalized and Tsukishima didn’t let his eyes look to much at the abs that peeked through as he chatted away. If not looking at Tanaka was hard, though, when Yamaguchi walked out of his house in a linen slip dress Tsukishima thought he was going to lose it right then and there. His legs were thin and freckled, just like Tsukishima had silently imagined them looking so many times late at night in bed when he was alone. His collarbone held the thin straps up angelically and if it had just been Tsukishima in the car he wouldn’t have been able to help himself from pouncing on him the second he entered the car. He watched the whole way he walked over to the car, opened the backdoor and sat down. He crossed his legs, shooting a look at Tsukki. </p><p>“What are you looking at? Never seen a guy in a dress before?” He muttered after Kiyoko made a comment about how hot he looked in the slip. Tanaka laughed while shaking his head and grabbed the glitter to let Yamaguchi cover himself just as much as the three of them had.</p><p>“No, I haven’t. You look really good.” Tsukishima says quietly, turning back around in the seat to face the front as Kiyoko began to drive off. She turned too Tsukishima in surprise, and he watched her glance back at Tanaka in surprise who Tsukki is sure just shrugged back or something. He wondered what face Yamaguchi was making.</p><p>They listened to the same song that was playing that night that Tsukishima had shotgunned Yamaguchi, but he doesn’t know the name. He lets his mind drift as his head leans against the cold glass and he can feel every motion the car makes shake his body. He feels nervous, of being in a dark house with alcohol and Yamaguchi in a dress. He closes his eyes, pushing the images of what his hands would look like holding his thighs as far away as they can possibly go. </p><p>They arrive an hour after everyone else. Considering Kiyoko picked them up this wasn’t a shock, of course. The house was lit up pink and blue visibly from the sidewalk, but the music was quiet enough that it couldn’t be heard from the street. Yamaguchi wobbled out of the car first, pulling the back of his dress down and covering his chest with his arms. Tsukishima looked carefully at the way the muscles in his arms twisted with every motion, following closely behind Kiyoko into the house.</p><p>The loud music quickly filled his senses and he saw faces he recognized immediately. There was Suga who was head of leadership and his good friend from another school, there was a redhead who he knows is good friends with Yamaguchi, a couple strangers he’d never seen and beyond that people were moving too quickly and hungrily for him to recognize them. There was already quite a few people dancing on each other, some girls sitting outside of the bathroom door. A song he didn’t know the words to was taking over his thoughts and he followed Tanaka closely as he high-fived some football kid he’d seen before. Tsukishima glanced behind him, making sure Yamaguchi was still following. He was, of course.</p><p>Tanaka walked his way immediately to the island and Tsukki grabs a solo cup quickly, hoping he can calm his anxious nerves with whatever he could grab first. Yamaguchi was looking around the room silently to himself, holding the hems of his dress as far down as they can go. Tanaka notices soon after Tsukki does.</p><p>“Yama bro, it’s fine. You look super good.” Yamaguchi exists a trance quickly, rubbing the back of his neck. Tsukishima takes his first sip at the same time as Kiyoko as someone stalks up behind Yamaguchi.</p><p>“He’s right, you go.” The guy says confidently. Tsukishima’s eyes go red as he watches Yamaguchi fluster out an array of apologies for being in the way and whatnot. The guy just laughs and Tsukishima suddenly was way too sober for this.</p><p>“What’s your name?” Tanaka asks awkwardly, obviously noticing Tsukishima’s uncomfort and also probably feeling excluded. Kiyoko had seemed to notice as well, Tsukki felt her eyes digging into the back of his head. </p><p>“Terushima, what’s your name freckles?” He purrs. Yamaguchi laughs to himself and their conversation seems to go on for ages, Tsukishima drinking way too many shots as he watches their bodies silently get closer and closer. The guy licks a corner of his mouth, a small tongue piercing poking out while he does so and Yamaguchi’s face goes completely red. He barely can hear Kiyoko begging him to come dance with her through his intense focus on the disgusting display of flirting before him and finally he slammed his cup down, startling Yamaguchi from his conversation. The guy seemed nice enough, but right now Tsukishima wanted to punch him into a wall and he’s not really sure why. Kiyoko backs up as Tsukishima stands, slightly intimidated until he turns to walk toward the dancing with her and Tanaka. Tanaka slows down to match Tsukishima’s pace, looking at him with concern.<br/></p><p>“Are you okay?”</p><p>Tsukishima pinches the bridge of his nose together. “I’m fine, I don’t care he can do what he wants. So can I.” Tsukishima glances around, begging whoever could hear him that there was someone here who would no strings attached grind on him until he saw stars. He turned his head, making sure he was positioned in a place where Yamaguchi could see him and right as he glanced Shitty-shima had placed a hand on one of Yama’s arms, tracing his freckles with a single finger. Damn it. Damn it. What was this feeling? Tsukishima felt the presence of another body suddenly infront of him, a small brown haired girl who gazed up at him with drunk eyes. He’d take it.<br/></p><p>He payed close attention to the beat around him, pulling her hips in rhythm with his and allowing her hands to trace their way gently up his torso and toward his hair. He felt absolutely nothing as he pressed into her, and still absolutely nothing as he felt her shiver. The beat of the music vibrated through his body and he found himself glancing back toward Yamaguchi, who still seemed too busy with his man candy to pay any sort of attention to him. Tsukishima pulled his hand through the girls hair, bending her neck to allow him access to lick gently at the skin. He heard her whisper something but he didn’t pay attention as he bit down and felt her squirm. She asked him gently to say something dirty to her but he completely ignored her, twisting his body with hers as she rubbed her hands along the skin that was revealed below his crop top. He pulled his head away, feeling her quickly return the favor and begin hungrily lapping at his neck. He involuntarily looked back up one more time only to be met another pair of eyes, visibly faded from lust and alcohol.<br/></p><p>Yamaguchi’s head twisted as Terushima’s kisses neared his ear but his eyes never lost Tsukki’s, and suddenly Tsukishima was into it. His dancing became much more passionate and he felt himself get stiffer as he pulled his body closer to the girl, his eyes lazily watching Yamaguchi’s and Yamaguchi’s watching his. Their eyes grew hungry as they continued to stare at one another, a silent understanding between the two of them as they shared their time with others. After way too long Tsukishima breaks eye contact, pulling himself off of the girl and walking toward the island to grab his cup. Yamaguchi watched him walk all the way over, and at this point Terushima had detached from him and was watching Tsukishima walk over himself. He grinned friendly at Tsukki.</p><p>“I saw you out there!” Terushima offers politely, Tsukishima could laugh. He just shrugged, and Yamaguchi muttered something about bathroom before wobbling off. He watches as his legs move their way up the stairs, the silk pulling with them at every motion. Tsukishima knows he shouldn’t follow him, that following him is only going to lead to bad things, so at first he doesn’t. He watches Terushima drift somewhere else and his eyes turn to Tanaka and Kiyoko who were dancing dramatically with one another. He rolled his eyes, fuck it. </p><p>The upstairs was quieter, and he knew exactly where Yamaguchi was based on the light that was flicked on from under the door. He knocked two times, already grinning to himself. </p><p>“I’m in here, one minute.”</p><p>“I think you were expecting someone?” Tsukishima says back, and there’s a long pause before he gets a response.</p><p>“Well I know for a fact Tsukishima Kei did not just follow me up here, so you must have the wrong bathroom.” Tsukki laughs, trying to open the door but it’s locked. </p><p>“Let me in!” He whines, and it’s quiet again. He wonders if he should ask if Yama is okay, but he doesn’t. Just waits. </p><p>“Why should I do that?”</p><p>“Because I know you want me to come in there.” He hears a huff and smiles to himself. </p><p>“Bold of you to assume I wasn’t waiting for Terushima up here.” </p><p>“You wouldn’t have bothered leaving at all if you were, you would’ve just kept making out with him. And even if you are, you got me instead.” He watches a girl walk past the bathroom toward a bedroom with her boyfriend giggling. He realizes there’s a chance the door may never open, Yamaguchi did value Tsukishima’s friendship much more than whatever it was that had been going on between them. He rested his head on the door with a small bonk. “It doesn’t have to mean anything Yama, we can just... be. Just like you said. Can you open the door?”</p><p>The knob clicks and his eyes flick to it as it does, but it doesn’t open. Just sits unlocked for a moment. Tsukishima’s better judgment suddenly starts to flow in, wondering what would happen to them after he walks through that door. He inhales, grasping it and slowly pushing it open. </p><p>Yamaguchi stood next to the door awkwardly fidgeting with his hands, and Tsukishima closes and locks it behind him. The music is much more faded out than it was in the hallway even, but he cam still feel it pulsing through his veins as he waited to know what to do next. They stared at each others feet, Tsukki allowing his eyes to linger on Yama’s shins and thighs. He swallows hard. </p><p>“So, what now?” He whispers, and Yamaguchi laughs loudly. The tension isn’t broken even as Yamaguchi starts to gain his confidence and step closer to Tsukishima. Tsukki feels his toes curl in his shoes and his heartbeat quicken. He closed his eyes, feeling Yamaguchi’s hands trace their way up his arms gently.</p><p>“You’re shaking.” Yamaguchi whispers back. Tsukki nods, keeping his eyes closed as he feels lips press gently to his own and then pull away, their breath fanning against his skin and he pushes himself closer again for another. And another, and another.</p><p>•</p><p>The two of them were sprawled out on Tanaka’s floor, Tanaka knocked out on the bed. Tsukishima’s hand was pulling its way through Yamaguchi’s hair and his eyes were closed at the touch, smiling to himself. Tsukishima at least was comforted with the fact that Yamaguchi said even after tonight they still didn’t have to be anything, it could just be what it is. Tsukishima leaned against Tanaka’s bed, listening to the sounds of the old house.</p><p>“What do you want to be when you grow up?” Yama asked softly. Tsukishima inhaled in thought. </p><p>“I dunno, maybe something with history like in a museum or school. But not working with kids, I don’t know. I’ll figure it out.” Yamaguchi laughs and comments on how not knowing is so like him and Tsukki just smiles, shaking his head. </p><p>“I want to be an artist.” Yamaguchi said confidently. “I’ve always loved to draw, paint, all of it.” Tsukishima smiles, thankful that its dark so Yamaguchi can’t see it.<br/>
“Thats sort of basic.” </p><p>“Is not, it’s unique.” He says quietly, and Tsukki could hear a smile in his voice. </p><p>“I think that’s cool.” Tsukishima whispered, and he felt Yamaguchi turn his head in his direction. “Really? You think so?” Tsukishima shrugs it off casually, turning to hide his red face incase Yamaguchi’s eyes were more adjusted than his.<br/></p><p>“Sure it is. You’re talented.” </p><p>Yamaguchi went quiet and his breathes seemed to even out gently, Tsukishima tracing his fingers across the dip in his spine. He looked up at the clock to see it was 3:25, sighing at how late they had wound up staying. Tanaka snored softly as Tsukishima shifted himself so he was laying down, allowing Yamaguchi’s head to rest on his lap even while they slept.</p><p>•</p><p>Tsukishima had never been late to anything in his life, so when Yamaguchi showed up to the graduation venue 20 minutes late thanks to Kiyoko, he felt worry pull at his heart strings. Out of all of the things Yamaguchi had made sure he was completely on time for, it wasn’t like him to be late to one of the biggest moments of his life, one that he had been waiting on for so long. It was all he had been able to talk about for the last few weeks. Tanaka bumped their shoulders together, watching as Tsukishima once again checked snap maps to see if it had updated, but it was still on last used: 6 hours ago. Yamaguchi looked up at Tanaka who just awkwardly shrugged. </p><p>“Maybe he overslept?” Yamaguchi nods a little bit but doesn’t really believe that. He has been so excited to graduate, its the only school event he has shown interest in since Yamaguchi has known him. </p><p>“Wasn’t he going to bike here? Maybe it just took him extra long.” Kiyoko adds in, and the three of them just stood in an uncomfortable silence. </p><p>Three hours passed and he still hadn’t arrived, their class was now lined up at their seats to begin the ceremony. Yamaguchi looks to the empty seat, checking his phone again (which he definitely wasn’t allowed to have) and still there was nothing. The ceremony was something he should’ve been paying attention to at least a little, since it was such a huge moment, but he couldn’t manage to listen to anything and the long speeches and songs sung by the choir just seemed to go in one ear and out the other. He made eye contact with Tanaka who wasn’t seated too far away, and Tanaka looked just as upset. It wasn’t like Tsukishima to miss this, he was a dick but not this big of a dick. Something must have happened. Maybe a pet died, or his mom got sick. Maybe he was sick, maybe he’s hurt. </p><p>Yamaguchi stood when the escort motioned for his row to follow her, emotionlessly walked his way up the steps at the sound of his name and hearing loud hoots coming from his parents and friends. He shoots a big smile as his photo is taken, and with that it’s over. He walks his way back down careful not to trip over his own feet, sort of disappointed in the whole experience. It was one of the most anticlimactic things he had ever experienced, and he scoffed to himself. At least he could complain to Tsukki about it, maybe that would make him not so sad about not showing up.</p><p>Yamaguchi’s eyes trail through the crowds of families and land on a woman who looks strikingly familiar and he furrows his eyebrows, trying to think of where he could know her from until it clicks. The hair, the smile. She looked exactly like Tsukki, a spitting image, and next to her was an excited Akiteru. They sat eagerly waiting for Tsukishima’s name to be called, and Yamaguchi suddenly feels like he’s going to throw up.</p><p>“Tsukishima Kei!” Yamaguchi knows no one is walking, and the hoots coming from his mother and brother slowly go silent with the rest of the room as they stare at the blank stage. Tsukki’s mother looks around nervously, Akiteru obviously trying to comfort her and Yamaguchi had to pull his eyes away because he couldn’t watch any longer.</p><p>The three friends didn’t talk about it anymore afterwords. Kiyoko seemed almost angry, which made sense. If he had just skipped to smoke or something Yamaguchi was going to be furious. They took a few pictures together at the venue, Yamaguchi meeting Tanaka and Kiyoko’s families and them meeting his before driving off in silence, not even a song on the radio. Kiyoko gripped her steering wheel.</p><p>“He told me he was gay yesterday.” She muttered. Tanaka whipped his head to her quickly, and Yamaguchi feels a bit of anger as she outs him to her boyfriend. </p><p>“He did? How did it go?” Yamaguchi now was very confused because obviously Tanaka didn’t seem surprised at all. </p><p>“Did you know, Tanaka?” Tanaka nodded, Yama feeling a pang of jealously for whatever reason. Kiyoko’s face twists in a strange way.</p><p>“He came out to me at the athletics lockdown.” He said casually. That was months ago, before they were even really friends. He had been that sure on his sexuality the whole time? Yamaguchi couldn’t help but feel jealous of their friendship. He knew that they had been close friends for only a short amount of time, but the more he thought about the two of them the more he noticed how close over time they really had gotten. Tsukishima was always texting him, was rarely ever rude to him. Yamaguchi’s eyes stare at his feet as he tries not to wonder if Tsukishima might be in love with Tanaka a little bit, that maybe this is why Tsukishima was never able to fully accept Yamaguchi’s affection. “How did it go?” Tanaka repeats. Kiyoko shook her head and he could see her eyes start to gloss. </p><p>“I was mad that he told-“ She doesn’t finish, pressing her palm to her mouth as she pushes her tears down and the car is quiet. She inhales shakily. “It doesn’t matter now. What if he didn’t come because of me?”</p><p>“He wouldn’t do that.” Yamaguchi says with confidence. Kiyoko wipes her eyes with her sleeve and Yamaguchi watches Tanaka nervously tap the dash to himself as the car pulls to a stop at a red light. “He was looking forward to today, he would’ve came.” He didn’t know how much he believed his own words, but he needed to hear them just as much as she did. They pulled the corner slowly, Tadashi eyes dragging across the trees which spring blossoms had started to die and fall of with the upcoming summer season. The street turned into a small neighborhood which they often cut through to look at the pretty houses, which Kiyoko had decided to do in hopes to make the aura in the car less tense. Yamaguchi can hear his phone ringing, but he feels his body and eyes freeze as he looks down from the trees flowers only to be met with an image that would proceed to haunt him for the rest of his life. </p><p>A bike was thrown off the edge of the road, bent slightly down the middle. It didn’t look nearly as pretty as it had the last time he’d seen it. Yamaguchi’s eyes trace across the familiar blue and grey paint job and the silver sticker above the wheel, not able to convince himself to let his eyes continue down the screen. blue and red lights flooded their car as officers surrounded the whole street, a white tarp laid over a small section of the concrete. A car was parked on the side, the man inside the car crying to himself. </p><p>He hears Kiyoko scream but it sounds surreal, his ears not seeming to work correctly. His eyes begin to fog with tears as he listens to her flail in the front seat, feeling his own choked sob start to escape involuntary. She slams on her breaks, pressing her shaking hands quickly across her mouth in pure horror. The car behind her honked at her to move but she ignored it completely, running out of the car weakly, trying her hardest to keep on her feet as she screams at them to show her who’s under the plastic. Yamaguchi has to pull his eyes to his knees as she screams because hearing and seeing her at the same time was a little too much for him. 

Kiyoko had always been vocal of her emotions, but this time it was involuntary. This time she didn’t feel like she had the power to do anything but scream. Her shaking body is surrounded by arms as they try to calm her down and she retrains as much as she can, sobbing through gritted teeth and finally allowing her knees to go limp as she cries into the strangers arm. Tanakas hands were covering his mouth as he silently shook in fear, his eyes fixed on the blood that pooled on the concrete as if he looked for long enough he’d be able to recognize that his eyes had been playing tricks on him. Yamaguchi can hear Kiyoko asking the man from the car what he had done to him and he heard Tanaka whisper something, but he didn’t feel any strength. Yamaguchi couldn’t bring himself to react in any way, but tears were uncontrollably falling from his eyes despite his face that held no emotion. It had to be him, that was his bike. It couldn’t be anyone else.</p><p>His eyes land on the small peek of his graduation gown that stuck out from an edge of the tarp as the officers held Kiyoko still and Yamaguchi hears sobs coming from somewhere in the car, but he can’t tell if it’s him or Tanaka. His eyes start to dizzy and right as he reached for the handle to walk to the scene, to wipe his eyes and hope that it will all disappear, but his body goes limp.</p><p>•</p><p>Yamaguchi hadn’t talked to Kiyoko or Tanaka in months. They both went off to college and did their own things, finding their dreams and trying their hardest despite the circumstances. Kiyoko had always been a pretty talkative person, but Yamaguchi hadn’t heard her say a single sentence since the day that he died. He hadn’t talked a whole lot himself either. The funeral was long and cold, the AC was on way too high and it wasn’t even that hot outside. The casket had to be closed, since Tsukishima didn’t look like himself after what happened.</p><p>Yamaguchi had turned his art portfolio in a month after Tsukishima’s death and had gotten accepted soon after, but it took him a few weeks to decide if he was willing to leave this city and possibly never return. When he decided he would be leaving, he packed his art portfolio carefully in his suitcase as to not bend any corners. He spotted a small slip of one of the drawings peek out, a thumbprint of charcoal pressed gently on the paper, which must have been on accident. He pulled it out gently, feeling warmth grow in his chest at the charcoal sketch. It was the same drawing that he had drawn of Tsukishima that one night that, except he had taken the time to perfect it and do it in various different styles to see which was his favorite. He slowly opened the manila folder for the first time since he had sent it in, knowing what to expect but still allowing it to catch his breath in his throat for a moment. A collection of Tsukishima’s, a few Kiyoko’s and a Tanaka laid in front of him in watercolor, pastel, acrylic, charcoal. They consisted mostly of Tsukishima’s, as after his death he seemed to be the only face that Yamaguchi could draw sk well from memory. Or, possibly he just had started to forget what he looked like and had no one to compare it to. They were all mostly the same, small smile’d drawing but he had a few pose sketches of him smoking, studying, eating breakfast with bedhead. He let his fingers act before his brain as he gripped them gently in his lands, laying them all out evenly on his bed. He stared for a while at his good friends, wondering what he could have done to make things have gone differently. He wonders if they had gone differently, how things would be now. He grabbed a gummy eraser from his pencil pouch, leaning over the pencil sketch and for the hundredth time making sure he had every inch correct. He sat erasing and editing some of the pieces for a while before a teardrop falls lightly on the paper, the pencil lines running down the page and smearing it. He inhales sharply, patting it dry with the sleeve of his hoodie. He mutters a small fuck to himself as he watches his sleeve continue to blur an edge, Tsukishima’s face starting to look less and less like himself. Yamaguchi found himself yelling, crumbling the artwork up in his hand and throwing it across the room before standing still and heaving thick breaths. He left the paper there on the corner of his room as he left his house, and he wished he hadn’t more than a few times that coming year at school.</p><p>For the rest of Yamaguchi’s life, not that he knew it yet, this picture would hang at his work desk. When he became a high school art teacher back in the same town where he had met him, it hung at his work desk. The other ones he kept away safe in a small box under his record player, but the specific one which he had drawn that one night that they were together, looking directly at him as he drew it, he kept closest to him at all times. Through his next breakup, through graduating college, Through falling in love and getting married. Getting divorced. Adopting his first child on his own, name her Tsuki. Watched his first student become an amazing artist, Tsukishima’s face sat silently in the corner of Yamaguchi’s life and watched it all. </p><p>Every now and then he would go back to their chats and read the last few messages, just to feel like it was once again graduation tomorrow. Yamaguchi didn’t have the same love that he once had for him, but there was always going to be a root dug deep inside of him, begging to grow. He wasn’t even that sure if he ever fully did love Tsukishima, their relationship was complicated and heated and messy, but he figured that feeling that he felt when he was with him that he hasn’t been able to completely fulfill must be love. Or maybe it was admiration, obsessed with being loved and not actually the person himself. Maybe he was in love with an idea of Tsukishima that he had convinced himself was actually him, when in all honesty Tsukishima was anything but a loving person. There would always be a piece of him that wasn’t entirely satisfied, and he has learned to live with that through his life. He sat silently alone in his house alone, deciding in the spur of the moment to give Kiyoko a call. It was only eight PM and Tsuki was having a sleepover at a good friend of hers, so he had the night to himself.</p><p>There was a guilt that constantly pricked over him that he was the one who lived, despite his constant bad health growing up. Tsukishima had been the one to die young, not Yamaguchi. After all of the hardships he faced in his life, all of the confusion that he had unresolved, he would never be able to figure it all out and help himself. It seemed sort of ironic, if he’s being honest, because Tsukishima did get very visibly uncomfortable when leaving for college or anyone else leaving was brought up. He put on a front that he didn’t care, but Yamaguchi could tell he didn’t want anything to ever change— anyone to ever leave. He supposes that he got what he wanted. He felt his eyes water as he listened to the phone ring over and over, wondering anxiously if he should hangup and forget it until suddenly the ringing clicks to life and her voice floods the room.</p><p>“Yama?” She whispers it, like she’s afraid she’d scare him off is she spoke too loud. Yamaguchi doesn’t say anything at first because of the shock that rushes through him, she sounds almost exactly the same. He hears a baby cooing softly in the background and a voice shushing it softly, whispering to Kiyoko. She whispers back before continuing. “Yama are you there?”</p><p>Tears prick his eyes and he laughs to himself, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “Hey, Kiyoko.” </p><p>“Jesus it’s been so long!” She says excitedly and he can hear her sitting down. Her voice brings back a surge of memories that Yamaguchi had tried so hard to forget. “Me and Tanaka have been meaning to reach out.” So, they were still together. Thats good, they do have quite a beautiful dynamic. </p><p>“It’s been too long, that’s my bad.” He mumbles, messing with his blanket in the light from his phone screen.</p><p>“Well, how have you been?” Yamaguchi huffs out a laugh, running a hand through his hair.

It was clearly sad that Tsukishima wasn’t in their conversations anymore, but also in a way was refreshing. They didn’t have to awkwardly stumble words over his death anymore, or try too hard to have a normal conversation. He wishes it could have ended differently, that he wouldn’t have gotten the good side and maybe it would have been him who had died, but after feeling this same feeling for years he finally felt a piece of him let go. It floated away softly, and Yama watched as he said goodbye to a part of him that had been controlling his life for years on end. For only a moment he swears he hears Tsukishima’s voice in his head telling him that he’s proud of him. That’s all he needs. 

Kiyoko laughed at his silence softly. “Tell me all about it, Tadashi. I’ve got all night.”</p><p>
  <em>I'm sure we'll meet in the spring</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And catch up on everything</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'll say I'm proud of all that you've done</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You taught me the ropes, and you taught me to love</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But I sympathize</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I recognize </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And baby, I apologize</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That I got the good side</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The good side of things</em>
</p><p>Troye Sivan, The Good Side</p>
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